Frito Lay Me

Attention!

I MADE A 99 CENT BAG OF FRITOS LAST THREE DAYS.

Believe it. And please, congratulate me for this remarkable, milestone event.

Some people crave sweets. Chocolate, Sour Patch Kids, Whoppers -- it's all pretty common. But I crave salt more than anything - salt and some form of bread or carbohydrate. Seriously. Put a table full of sweet things next to a table full of bread and chips, and I'll only have eyes for the carbs.

Carolyn and I discussed the possibility of mounting a salt-lick in our cubicles at work. Salt craving? Here, have a lick of my salt-lick. No it's not for my horse...

Anyway, the salt craving hit at about 3:30 on a Wednesday. This may be the worst time of my entire week. I'm half way through the week, but I still have two full working days left. And it's 3:30 p.m. So I still have an hour and a half left of work that day, plus two days until the weekend, and really, I'd like to pull a George Costanza, put a pillow under my desk, and take a solid nap. But that's not an option here at my fine place of employment, so I take the elevator down 23 floors and enter Dimples, the "convenience" store located in the lobby of our high-rise.

And while I don't want to get side tracked, can I just mention, again, that the name of the of the store is "Dimples." Dimples.

Dimples.

Some people think of smiles? Maybe that's what the owners were going for when they sat down to discuss the name of their store -- Pimples? No. Dribbles? No. Drabble? No. Oh! Let's call it Dimples... it will remind people of smiling.

And you know what I say? It will remind some individuals of, yes, smiling -- for the dimples people have their faces. Or... in the off chance that you're someone like me, you won't be able to walk into the store without being reminded of the quickly-spreading-with-age-and-every-bag-of-fritos-I-eat dimples on my ass.

But I digress...as usual.

So yes, I made a 99 cent bag of Fritos last three days. Normally, I'll sit down, and eat the entire bag within a few minutes. But, on Wednesday I happened to look at the Nutrition Fact box and notice that good ol' Frito-Lay, Inc thinks that there are FOUR SERVINGS in a three and seven eighths ounce bag. That's not even and an entire ounce per serving.

Four servings -- I'd like to meet the person that works at Frito Lay who doesn't eat the whole bag in one sitting. Really.

But... I attempt it. And I don't quite make it to four, but I do make it to three. Meaning that I turned what could have been a one-time-snack of 640 calories on Wednesday (ew!)into a three-time-snack of about 213 calories on Wednesday, Thursday, and today (still disgusting, but a hell of a lot better than 640).

Please, someone send me a trophy.

And in an attempt to bring this little ditty full circle, the ingredients to my bag of Fritos reads:

WHOLE CORN, CORN OIL, AND SALT.