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Palin and Prejean On Next GOP Ticket
Washington DC - Sarah Palin and Carrie Prejean announce their plans for a President/Vice President partnership on the 2012 GOP ticket. Rush Limbaugh, Ted Haggard, and Anne Coulter are rumored to be financing their efforts.
Both Palin and Prejean were featured on separate segments on The Today Show Friday morning. Palin spoke eloquently about the recent David Letterman debacle, while Prejean defended her position on gay marriage and discredited the alleged events leading up to her loosing the Miss California crown.
At the beginning of The Today Show this morning, Matt Lauer announced a breaking news item: Palin and Prejean appeared split screen and announced in uniform voices and smiles - "We are the future of the republican party!"
Both women featured wardrobes provided by Saks Fifth Avenue.
Political analysts predict that the Palin/Prejean team would do well in Florida, Alabama, Tennessee, Kentucky, Georgia, the Carolinas, Virgina, Texas and other states that do not teach evolution in public schools or provide birth control to unmarried women.
"Mmmmare you kidding?" says Rush Limbaugh. "Anyone who can call themselves Christian has to vote for these mmmmmmwomen. And they aren't mmmmbad to look at either!"
When confronted outside of a Starbucks in Los Angeles, Perez Hilton lifted his Gucci sunglasses and yelled, "Someone needs to put a muzzle on those bitches!"
"We're not worried," said Jon Stewart, speaking on behalf of democrats. "The gays, pregnant teenagers, Jews, and individuals with common sense outnumber the extreme evangelicals and plumbers."
President Barack Obama plans to hold a press conference later this afternoon to weigh in on the Palin/Prejean ballot. He released this statement this morning: "Look. These are tough times. But the country by and large knows that Alaskans and Californians aren't real Americans. We're also working on a government-sanctioned rebranding of the Christian religion. Central intelligence tells us that God is finally considering having a second son -- one who's name hasn't been tarnished by ignorance and intolerance."
Monday, June 15, 2009
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
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4 comments:
Seems like a lot of venom aimed the Christian right here.
No one seems to find it newsworthy that Palin supports birth control and has done her share to protect gay marriage rights, or that Carrie Prejean prefaced her obscene and bigoted belief (shared, by the way, by Barack Obama himself--perhaps he should join their ticket) with "I think it's great that Americans are able to choose one or the other. We live in a land that you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage."
Hmm, a woman dares to have the same opinion shared by our Dear Leader, and because she doesn't toe the blue line she gets tarred and feathered while he gets a handwave? Yeah, sign me up for that religion please. I can't wait to be told I'm a "bitch" and not a woman because I happen to disagree. The right doesn't have a monopoly on intolerance.
So that "deleted comment" was my original response to Jason, but I took it down because it didn't seem... necessary. But now w/ AJ's comment I feel I should probably clarify something: my intention was not to tar and feather Palin and Prejean. I don't care for them, true. But the post was really just supposed to a sarcastic, off-hand, completely obtuse, biased joke. Obviously it turned out to be a bad one and obviously I did a poor job communicating my sarcasm. Perhaps I took it too far?
AJ: I agree that the right doesn't have a monopoly on intolerance... great comment and thanks for the reminder. And as a women, I think I should clarify the "bitch" comment. I was merely putting myself in Perez Hilton's shoes... and I would imagine that's what he would say -- especially when you take into the account the language he uses on his blog and especially after someone so publicly disagreed with his lifestyle.
I was also kidding about Alaskans and and Californians not being American. I used to live in California. I love a lot of Californians. And I know one person in Alaska but he's fabulous... so I think it's safe to say that I would love Alaskans in general.
So if I can end this just short of an apology, I'll say again that my intention was to play off of a completely made-up, far-fetched idea of Palin and Prejean on a GOP ticket. And to voice, obviously inadequately, my frustration with "Christians" seeming to be predominantly known for what we're AGAINST as opposed to what we're FOR. I'm a few years out from going to church every Sunday (perhaps that's my problem), but I believe (perhaps wrongly) that Jesus would rather be known for his goodness and love and forgiveness as opposed to his proclamation of what is sin and what isn't.
Thanks for your thoughts, sincerely.
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